


That's not Exactly What I Meant But it Works

by peterisabean



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Family, Fluff, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Violence, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterisabean/pseuds/peterisabean
Summary: You would think that after stopping two separate apocalypses, dying twice, and traveling through time, that a break from the stress is exactly what all of the Hargreeve siblings would want, and that was exactly correct. Except for Five of course. His overactive brain was like a child who had no toys to play with, or in his case, no impending world demise to stop.orFive is bored and finds himself investigating a string of kidnappings...
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone
Comments: 33
Kudos: 175





	1. Post-apocalypse(s)

Chapter 1

You would think that after stopping two separate apocalypses, dying twice, and traveling through time, that a break from the stress is exactly what all of the Hargreeve siblings would want, and that was exactly correct. Except for Five of course. His overactive brain was like a child who had no toys to play with, or in his case, no impending world demise to stop.

He felt as if he had no purpose, no pressing matter to try and figure out how to prevent. All of his other siblings were happy to be back in 2019, as they all picked up their lives right where they left off. Allison went to see her daughter, Vanya continued to play first chair, Diego helped Detective Patch with her cases, Luther hung around the house, and Klaus was well, Klaus. However, Five was unable to get a grip on the fact that he and his family were not in any immediate danger, at least, not in that very moment.

Allison suggested that he get a hobby, or maybe even go to school. Five nearly shuddered at the idea of attending a grimey, public high school filled with greasy children who had the IQ equivalent to an orange. So while his siblings were living their own lives, Five was mosing around the house.

During breakfast one day as Five went to make his usual pot of black coffee, he noticed that they were out of coffee grounds. With a heavy sigh he took the keys off of the table and began to head to the car. On his way out he passed a mediating Kalus who looked more content than usual.

“Going somewhere?” Klaus questioned while still sitting legs crossed and eyes closed. Five rolled his eyes with an unsurprising response, given his unhealthy caffeine addiction.

“Getting some more coffee, we’re all out.” Five said as he quickly used his powers to jump out the door and into the seat of one of his Dad’s cars. He turned the key in the ignition and drove to the nearest gas station.

Although it wasn’t the most marvelous coffee, Five decided that gas station coffee would have to do, as it was the closest to the house and he really wasn’t in the mood to drive all the way to the grocery store. He parked the car and walked into the building to grab his liquid crack, receiving the usual concerned looks at the register. Five sometimes forgot that he was stuck in a 14 year old body, and that a child drinking black coffee might seem a little odd to most people.

However, he didn’t care enough to dwell on the subject as the cashier handed him his change and he headed towards the car. Five turned on the radio to fill the silence of the car ride back home. It was when he heard a particular name on the radio that his heart skipped a beat. 

“A missing children’s report confirms the third disappearance in an ongoing kidnapping case. The latest child to be reported missing is 14 year-old Delores Williams. Although there is no new information at the time, the police department advises caution..”

Hearing that name took Five back to a time he briefly forgot existed. When it was only him and Delores in the post-apocalyptic world. He sat in the car in disbelief, wondering how crazy it was to think that only a few months ago he was still trying to deter the inevitable apocalypse and save his family. Time travel is weird. 

This wasn’t the first time Five heard the details of this particular ongoing kidnapping investigation. Diego mentioned it briefly at dinner one night a few weeks ago while Five was shoving his face with one of mom’s amazing home cooked meals. Everyone around the dinner table was chatting while Five heard Diego talking to Luther about some case he was looking into with Eudora. He remembered Diego saying that Patch wasn’t on the case because she was in the homicide division, but Diego heard that there were only two kidnappings linked together at the time.

After completely spacing out while driving home, Five parked the car and walked inside. He still couldn’t shake the thought of the kidnappings, as the name Delores filtered through is mind. Although it sounds insensitive, Five wasn’t too concerned with the entire idea of the kidnappings, he had more important duties to fulfill, well, at least he did before he stopped two apocalypses. 

To be honest, Five was kind of tired of just sitting around at the house, waiting for the next apocalypse or for the commission to show up at his door. It was this boredom that prompted him to look into the kidnapping case. Why not? It was either investigate a string of kidnappings or sit around and do nothing. Five decided on the former.


	2. "You or your Pea-Sized Brain"

Chapter 2

Now that Five was officially unofficially on the kidnapping case, he decided to start at the precinct to gather information. He teleported into the station and grabbed copies of the three missing kids and blinked out without being seen. In the alley adjacent to the station, he thumbed through the thin files, stopping to look at one in particular: Delores’. 

Five knew that this Delores is not his Delores, but the sting of seeing that name next to her small face in the file was disheartening. The picture provided in the file was a school portrait, as the little girl in the picture was no older than fourteen. What really caught Five’s attention was the close resemblance the girl had to Allison at that age. 

The black curly coils of hair that laid effortlessly off of Delores’ head and the deep brown eyes stared into Five’s soul as he continued to examine her case file. It was probably just a creepy coincidence, the strange resemblance between her and young Allison. First it was the girl’s name, now it was her appearance that made Five slightly uneasy. All the more reason as to why he was so invested in this case.

Flipping through the other two files, he read the other two names of the missing teens: Spencer Brown and Jamin Guerrero. What really shocked five was their appearances. While Spencer was an athletic looking blond teen, Jamin was a near doppleganger for little Diego. It wasn’t just his dark brown hair, but the structure and symmetry of his face was nearly identical to his brother. 

If Five wasn’t already creeped out enough by Allison’s near twin, Diego’s seemed to seal the deal. Five flipped through the three case files multiple times, re-reading all of the teen’s information, making sure that there was no possible connection to his siblings.

After meticulously analyzing the files, Five deduced that there was in fact no secret child that Diego or Allison was hiding from him, and that in fact, the resemblance between his siblings and the missing teens was just a scary, scary, coincidence. 

Five was standing in the alley by the station for a solid twenty minutes by the time he heard his stomach growl. It was around 3 pm, and the gas station coffee that Five drank earlier that morning wasn’t doing anything to tie down his hunger. He decided to walk home in order to fulfill his growling stomach and to fully dive into the case.

When he got home, he tossed the files on the kitchen table and rummaged through the pantry to find ingredients for a sandwich. While spreading a generous layer of peanut butter on a slice of fluffy white bread, Luther entered the kitchen and eyed the stack of files laying on the table.  
Luther attempted to look through the field but Five blinked and snatched them out of Luther’s hands before he got the chance to look over their contents. He then teleported back to the other side of the kitchen to finish making his sandwich and closing the jar of peanut butter.

Luther stood at the other end of the table confused but not surprised. This wasn’t the first time his brother acted weird, in fact, it would be concerning if Five wasn’t acting weird. 

“So, what’s the deal with those files?” Luther asked as he sat down at the table with a mug of coffee. He sipped on it lightly as he waited for Five’s response.

“Nothing that concerns your walnut brain.” Five retorted before shoving his sandwich into his mouth. He continued to chew while he thumbed through his files. 

Luther sighed and took a sip of his coffee. “Well, whatever it is, you can always ask me for help, you know that right?” 

Five didn’t take his eyes off of the contents of the files before responding to Luther’s innocent and genuine comment. 

“No offense Luther, but I’m not sure how your skill set is exactly helpful for this particular situation.” Five responded. He then looked up at Luther and down at the picture of Spencer in the file. The resemblance to younger Luther was there, maybe not as strong as the other two teens to Allison and Diego, but it was certainly there. Before Luther could respond Five blinked out of the kitchen, leaving Luther to shake his head and drink his coffee.

Five landed in his bedroom, and quickly began to draw out the victimology of the three missing teenagers. They were all different ethnicities, they all went to different high schools, all involved with different extra circulars. The closest the three lived to each other was a solid 20 miles. In other words, there was no pattern to connect the victims, besides their relative age. Each kid was fifteen years old, in their sophomore year of high school. 

However, the indistinguishable resemblance of the three kids to his sibling’s younger selves was something he toyed with at the back of his mind. There was no way this could have been a coincidence. What were the relative odds that three separate teenagers in the same kidnapping case just so happened to look almost identical to three if his siblings? Five considered calculating those odds just before he was interrupted by Klaus barging into his room.

“Hey little brother-” Klaus began until he saw the contraption of evidence Five had strung across his room. “Woah, what did you get yourself into?” Klaus asked while taking a step forward to examine Five’s data.

Five quickly turned away from Klaus and turned his attention back towards the case. “Nothing that concerns you Klaus.” He responded as he shook his head. Another one of his siblings that didn't understand the simple principles of privacy in their house.  
Klaus began to turn away to retreat out of Five’s room until he saw Delores’ picture from the file on Five’s desk.

“Woah, that girl looks like Allison when she was a teenager. Who even is that Five?” Klaus asked, intrigued by his sister’s doppelganger. “Wait! That’s the girl from that kidnapping case I saw on the news earlier! Why are you looking into that?” He asked.

Five simply sighed and reluctantly turned to face Klaus. “As I have already said once before, this matter does not concern you or your tiny pea-sized brain.” Five responded.

“Well, does this matter concern Ben?” Klaus asked with a smirk on his face. Five sighed once again and faced away from Klaus.

“Klaus, get out before I shove this pen into your ophthalmic artery and blind your ass.” Five threatened with his back turned. Klaus received the message loud and clear as he put his hands up in surrender.

“Okay okay sheesh little bro, you need to try some meditation or something to relive all that stress.” Klaus said as he walked out the door.

Five rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on the array of information spanning over his desk. He was desperately trying to find the connection between the victims, but besides their age, he had nothing to go on. In order to find more clues, he decided that he would need to go to each of the places where they were last spotted before their abductions. Leaving the files on the table Five found his first address and headed out.


	3. "I'm part of the journalism team" lol

Five’s first stop was at the location of Jamin’s abduction. According to police reports, Jamin was last seen walking home from after school football practice with two of his friends. They reported that Jamin split up with them after they suggested to get something to eat. However, Jamin told them that he wasn’t hungry and had to practice for his band concert the next evening. That was the last time anyone saw Jamin before he was reported missing a few hours later by his family.

The one thing that intrigued Five was the fact that Jamin walked home. He was only fifteen, so he couldn't drive himself home yet, but according to his address, the school was a solid seven miles away from his house. Jamin had to carry not only his backpack and textbooks, but also his football gear.

Five decided that he should talk to Jamin’s family or friends, whichever one he could find first. Since he was closest to Jamin’s house, he began to walk a few streets down to the address listed on the file.

Jamin’s neighborhood was in one of the nice suburbs of the city, as green-leaved trees lined the sidewalks of white picket fenced houses. As Five walked down the street he saw children playing outside in their front yards, wearing t-shirts instead of jackets as the months rolled closer to summer. 

Birds were chirping, older ladies were walking their dogs, everything seemed to be straight out of a movie. How could Jamin have been abducted in broad daylight in such a nice and friendly neighborhood? Odds are that someone had to have witnessed something, or the person responsible had some sort of ruse to attract Jamin’s attention, but not the attention of the entire neighborhood.

Before Five could dwell more on the details, he approached Jamin’s house. It was a medium sized town house with green grass, light blue paint that coated the siding, and a large oak tree with a swing hanging from one of its sturdy branches in the front yard. 

He walked up the steps to the house and knocked on the door. Five noticed the plethora of missing child posters that lined the front door with the same school picture of Jamin Five recognized from the police file.

Five waited only a second or two more before someone answered the door. He assumed it was Jamin’s mother from her appearance. Her eyes were red from crying, and she held a tissue in her hand to wipe her nose as she sniffled. She looked up and down at Five, most likely confused as to why a small boy in a uniform was standing at her door. Five just stood there with a sympathetic smile on his face before Jamin’s mother addressed his presence.

“Can I help you?” She asked Five with a slight rasp in her voice, most likely worn from crying for the absence of her son. According to the file, Jamin was her only son, and his dad had died while serving on tour in Iraq back in 2007. His mother never remarried, so it was just the two of them. Five cleared his throat before responding to Jamin’s mother.

“Um actually yes I could use your help.” Five answered as he formulated his cover story in his mind and proceeded. 

“I’m a close friend of Jamin’s and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions? I’m part of the journalism team at our high school, and I was wondering if it would be okay with you if I write a story on Jamin’s life?” Five asked.

Jamin’s mother offered a soft smile at the gesture as she held the tissue up to her nose to wipe her sniffles. 

“Oh you’re such a sweet young man. Please come in.” She responded as she propped the door open and Five walked in. She closed the front door behind him. Jamin’s house was as nice on the inside as it was on the outside. It was minimal and modern yet cozy. To the left was a fireplace with a mantel that housed pictures of Jamin’s father in uniform alongside Jamin’s football pictures and a portrait of what seemed to be Jamin’s mother when she was younger. 

“Please sit down.” Jamin’s mother said, gesturing to the couch that was adjacent to the fireplace. Five sat down, his small frame barely weighing down the comfy couch cushions.

“I don’t think Jamin has ever mentioned you before, what did you say your name was?” She asked while sitting down on the chair opposite of Five.

“My name is Five Mrs. Guerrero. I am incredibly sorry for what you’re going through.” Five responded. Mrs. Guerrero offered a soft smile while raising an eyebrow at the mention of Five’s peculiar name. Five sensed her confusion at his name and told her that it was a nickname given to him by his friends at school. 

“You can call me Maria, and thank you. Would you like anything to drink dear? I have water, lemonade?” Maria offered. As tempting as it was to ask for a cup of black coffee, Five restrained himself in order to stay focused on the task at hand.

“No thank you I’m alright. However, I have a few questions about Jamin and his life. Are you comfortable with answering some questions?” Five asked respectfully. Maria nodded as she picked up a cup of water from the side table and took a swift drink.

“So, when did you move into this neighborhood?” Five asked. He hoped to gain some background knowledge before easing into the more pressing questions he hoped to ask.

“Jamin and I moved into this house when he was about eight, just a few years after his father died. We are originally from Seattle, but I wanted to move closer to my family after Geroge’s passing.” Maria responded. Five simply nodded and began to ask more questions about their family life. 

He asked Maria about Jamin’s other friends, especially the two he walked home with after practice. Five also asked more genuine questions in order to not overwhelm Maria. He asked about Jamin’s history of sports and his interests. Maria seemed to light up while talking to Five about her son’s life. Overall Jamin seemed like a well liked, popular boy with a genuine heart. It was sad for Five to see how distraught his mother was at the loss of her son. After a few minutes of light conversation, Five began to dive into the questions he really wanted to ask.

“So why did Jamin walk home from practice the day he went missing when the school is nearly seven miles away?” Five asked.

“Usually Jamin gets a ride home with an upperclassmen named Corey, but he was at physical therapy for his knee that day. I just assumed that Jamin would get a ride with another one of his teammates, but he texted me that he would just walk him with two of his other friends. When I called him at 8 pm and he didn’t answer, that’s when I started to worry. He is never out too long without telling me, and he almost always picks up his phone.” Maria answered as she became slightly flustered.

“I usually check his location on his phone just to make sure he is safe but it was turned off for some reason, and the police tracked the last location to be just a few blocks away.” Maria explained to Five. The information about the phone tracker matched up to the last spot where Jamin was supposedly abducted. 

“Mrs. Guerrero, would Jamin ever voluntarily turn off his location?” Five asked.

Maria shook her head. “No, never. Not with everything we have been through with his dad.” She responded.

Now Five was intrigued about why Jamin’s location was turned off. The police apparently never recovered his phone, so Five wondered if the kidnapper took the phone with Jamin and turned off the location, or whether Jamin was the one to turn it off. Was the kidnapper not threatening enough to startle Jamin, or was he able to overpower Jamin? Five figured he had enough information from Maria and didn’t want to wear her out anymore. She seemed clearly distraught about her son and he wouldn't want to cause any more distress.

“I have just one more question for you Mrs. Guerrero, does Jamin play for the school band?” Five asked.

“Yes, he plays the trumpet, he’s quite good too.” Maria responded.

“Did Jamin happen to have any sort of band concert the day after he went missing?” Five wondered. 

“I don’t think so, his next concert isn’t for another month.” Maria told him.

“Thank you so much Mrs. Guerrero, I will let you know when Jamin’s story is published.” Five said as he rose up from the couch and shook Maria’s hand.

“Have a good day son, and stay safe.” Mrs. Guerrero told him as she followed him to the door and waved goodbye. She shut the front door and Five walked down the front porch steps. 

Five now had more questions than he did before. Why was Jamin’s location turned off, and why did he leave his two friends that day after school? Also, why did Jamin tell his friends that he couldn’t hang out because he had to practice for a concert the next day? 

There were too many loose connections that didn’t add up for Five. He decided that he could possibly find more information through either Spencer or Delores’ last known locations.

Before he set out to find their addresses, he received an alert from the local news broadcast on his phone.

“A body of a fifteen year old boy who was previously reported missing has been found in Brush Park. The cause of death is unknown as the police are investigating this as a potential homicide…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently working on the next chapter :) hope y'all enjoyed!


	4. “You can just, blip wherever you want to?”

It only took a few minutes for Five to arrive at Brush Park, but when he did arrive, the area near a few picnic benches was surrounded by officers. There was police tape anchored to three large oak trees that cordoned off the area of the crime scene. Five wanted to get closer so he could see who the victim was, but there were officers guarding the area, keeping onlookers from getting too close.

This didn’t stop five, as he teleported to the tall branches of one of the giant oak trees. He held on to the sturdy branches of the tree as he crouched down to get a better view of the scene. He was about 17 feet above the crime scene, and he saw officers and crime scene units surveying and working the surrounding area. 

As Five looked at the small body that was positioned adjacent to a picnic bench and immediately recognized the blond hair and small athletic build. The body was Spencer Brown’s, the first teen who was kidnapped. Five let out a sadden sigh, that was followed by a wave of relief that Maria Guerrero wouldn't have the news of her son’s dead body broken to her. 

Seeing Spencer’s small frame laying there so helplessly only motivated Five more to find the person responsible. Kidnapping was one thing but murder, murder was a whole new ballpark. 

To be fair, Five has killed, many, many, times. But in his defense, it was either by order of the Commission, or to protect his family. This murder however, was just cruel.

It was sort of scary of how much Spencer’s lifeless corpse reminded him of seeing Luther just after Five traveled to the apocalyptic future. Spencer’s blond eyelashes resembled Luther’s, minus the ash and dust that coated Luther’s in the apocalypse. 

Five was slightly shaken up by the resemblance and as he attempted to shift his crouching position on the tree branch, he lost his balance and plummeted toward the ground. 

It all happened too fast for him to have enough time to teleport away from the grassy ground his face soon connected with. He let out a small groan as his body hit the ground with a soft thud. Five clutched his ribs as he attempted to get the air back into his lungs. He tried to sit up but soon layed back down on the grass, staring up at the blue sky. 

He blinked a few times until he saw a familiar face staring down at him. The face belonged to Diego, which at first was comforting, but then Five was utterly confused as to why he was seeing his brother’s face. 

“-ive. Five!” Diego shouted as he shook his brother.

Five quickly sat up, which he instantly regretted as he clutched his ribs and let out a small groan.

“Five, are you alright? What the hell are you doing here?” Diego asked, putting a hand on Five’s shoulder.

“I’m fine, and what I am doing is none of your concern.” Five responded. He stood up with the help of Diego’s arm to stabilize him.

“Well, it actually is my concern now. Since this kidnapping case now has a murder attached to it, Eudora and I are working the case. But I’m more concerned about why you have an interest in this?” Diego said. Five sighed, all he wanted was to investigate this case without any of his siblings getting in the way. However, Five realized that Diego could potentially be helpful in solving this case. 

“I got nothing better to do, now that there's no impending apocalypse to prevent.” Five answered. He looked over to the crime scene, analyzing the details of Spencer's body. This wasn’t some ordinary murder, at a closer look, Five noticed not only ligature marks around Spencer’s wrists, but also long slashes cut into the chest of his body made pre-mortem. These details interested Five, and they revealed even more about the killer.

“What do you and Patch know so far about the killer?” Five asked Diego.

“Why do you care so much about this case Five?” Diego asked. He shifted his weight in his heels and folded his arms at his chest. 

“Have you seen the victims Diego?” Five questioned. “So far, the three of them look nearly identical to our siblings when they were younger, and not to mention Jamin who is a doppelganger for yourself.” Five explained.

Diego furrowed his brows and turned to look at Spencer. His lifeless body resembled Luther’s younger self. Diego had not quite noticed the similarities before, but after Five pointed them out, he couldn’t unsee it. A cold shiver ran through Diego as he shuddered at their resemblance.

“You don’t think these kidnappings have to do with our family do you? Couldn’t this be just a crazy coincidence?” Diego questioned. Five shrugged.

“I don’t know yet, that’s why I’m looking into these kidnappings.” Five said. He slid his hands into his shorts pockets. 

Diego sighed and leaned in closer to Five. “What do you know so far?” He asked.

“I’ve talked to Jamin’s mother, and there’s some holes in his story near the time he was kidnapped. When I heard about this murder, I came here to investigate, but I’m confused about the marks on Spencer’s body.” Five told Diego, who glanced over again to Spencer’s body.

“What marks are you talking about? The ligature marks on his wrists? We figured that he would have those as a result from being restrained for several days.” Diego explained. Five shook his head.

“No, not those ones, the ones on his chest.” Five pointed to Spencer’s chest. He and Diego walked closer to the body and examined the cuts. The cuts were not too deep, but the excessive amounts of blood meant that they were made before Spencer died. However, upon closer inspection, both Five and Diego noticed the bruises around Spencer’s neck.

“This kill was personal.” Diego muttered. Five nodded in agreement.

“This guy is a sadist, look at these cuts. He inflicted these while Spencer was still alive, and the strangulation. A classic sign of sadism. He could feel the life leave Spencer as he killed him. You’re right, this is personal.” Five said. 

Diego sighed. “Okay, let me go get Patch and we can all work through this.” Diego told him. Five nodded and stood under the oak tree as Diego left to find his partner. 

Five walked a little closer to Spencer’s body and noticed something that he didn’t see before. Not only were there the superficial slashes on Spencer's chest that bled, but there were more slashes that had no blood leak from them. Five also noticed slight discoloration on his face, most likely bruising upon a fist’s impact. Whatever this killer was doing to these kids, Five was determined more than ever to put an end to it.

He heard the leaves crunch under Diego’s feet as he returned with Detective Patch. Her dark hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and she crossed her arms as she stood next to Five, looking down at Spencer. 

“I hate cases that involve kids, I wanna find the bastard who did this.” Patch said. She then looked up at Diego and then to Five. She furrowed her brow, confused as to why Diego’s little brother was at the crime scene of a murder. 

Five smiled and threw up a little wave. Diego cleared his throat. “So Eudora, this is my brother, Five.”

“You said that you and your brother were the same age?” Patch questioned. She was not only confused about Five’s appearance, but also his unusual name.

“It’s a long story, one I’ll fill you in on later.” Diego told her. “But, we need to talk about this case, Five has been looking into it, before we were put on the case.” He told her. Eudora nodded and turned towards Five.

“So, what do you know so far?” She asked Five.

“Well, up until today, this guy hasn’t killed any of his victims, but the marks on Spencer’s body not only show a personal interest, but also a sadistic one too. There were cuts made pre and post mortem. This guy is getting off on this.” Five explained with a disgusted look on his face. Eudora sighed and looked to Diego. 

“Do you have any leads to go on Five?” Diego asked.

“Well, earlier today I was talking to Jamin’s mother, the second kidnapping victim, and there were some aspects of his story that didn’t connect all the way. I think we should canvas his neighborhood and see if anyone saw anything before he disappeared.” Five suggested. He needed to find out why Jamin would lie about having a band concert the day after he disappeared.

“Okay, sounds good to me. We can take my car.” Patch offered. Diego and Five nodded as the three of them walked to Eudora’s cruiser. 

Diego got into the passenger door as Five slid into the back seat. He sucked in his breath as the motion of sitting down jerked at his sensitive ribs from his previous fall. He and Diego were separated by the metal bars that lined the interior of the car. 

“Five do you know how to get there?” Diego asked. Before he heard a response, Diego suddenly appeared in the back seat of the car, trading places with Five who was now occupying the passenger seat. 

“What? What the hell Five!” Diego shouted. Five only shrugged and began to give directions to Eudora. 

“Sorry, but if I’m going to help you on this case, I get shotgun.” Five told Diego as a smirk was plastered to his face. 

Eudora was confused as to what just occurred. It finally clicked when she remembered that Diego and his brother were part of that Umbrella Academy superhero thing.

Diego sighed and leaned back in his seat. Patch started the car and began to drive to Jamin’s neighborhood. 

“So,” Eudora began. “You can just, blip wherever you want to?” She asked Five. He was concentrating on the road in front of them, occasionally giving directions on where to turn, trying not to focus on the ache deep inside his abdomen.

“Well, sort of. I have limits. Basically time travel is a no no, but I can jump a significant physical distance before wearing myself out.” Five explained. Eudora only nodded, though she was certainly intrigued by Five’s abilities.

“Turn left here, and the spot where Jamin was last seen is just on this block.” Five directed. Patch turned and parked the car on the side of the street. The three of them got out of the car and walked over to the corner of the sidewalk. 

The scene was just how Five last saw it, some neighbors outside gardening or mowing their lawns while children played in the street or front yards. It was still sunny, although the position of the sun had changed slightly since Five had last seen it. 

“There is no way that this guy kidnapped Jamin in plain sight, I mean, look at this place, there’s people everywhere. Someone would have heard or seen something suspicious.” Eudora stated. She was right, Five thought. There was no way that the killer took Jamin without blending in somehow.

“Maybe we should canvas the area, ask the neighbors if they saw anything unusual or out of place that day.” Diego offered. They all nodded in agreement.

“I’ve already talked to Jamin’s mother down the street, but I want to find the two friends he was with the hours before he was reported missing.” Five said. With that Diego and Eudora began to canvas the area and Five headed towards the first of the two boy’s houses.


	5. "His perfected fake smile"

Five reached the address of the first of Jamin’s friends who was the last to see him the day Jamin disappeared. His house remsebled Jamin’s as well as the others in their neighborhood. It had a grassy front yard with a porch that housed a swing. The blue siding of the house was beginning to peel at the corners where the planks of wood met each other. 

Five made his way up the front porch steps and knocked on the door. He waited a few seconds until knocking again. After a minute he rang the doorbell, and when no one answered the door, he let out a sign and walked back down towards the sidewalk. 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the paper with the other friend’s address on it and walked down the adjacent street. Hopefully this boy was home, because Five was not willing to leave empty handed. 

The boy’s house was only a few doors down and once Five arrived he knocked on the door several times. This time an older man, who looked to be the boy’s father answered the door. 

“Hello? Can I help you?” The man asked.

Five plastered his perfected fake smile on his face. “Yes you can, is Jake home?” Five questioned. Jake’s father had one hand on the door frame and the other in his pocket, he seemed relaxed at Five’s presence.

“You just missed him, he’s on his way to practice. Are you one of his friends? I don’t recognize you.” Jake’s father said. 

“Oh, yeah I have math with Jake at school, and we were going to work on the study guide together for the test next week. But I guess he must have forgotten. Thank you sir.” Five said, quickly turning away and walking down the steps before having to answer any more questions he didn’t have a perfected, made-up answer to. 

Five had no luck, both of Jamin’s friends weren’t there, the two people he needed to talk to. Five was desperate to find the reason why Jamin would lie to his two close friends about having band practice. It just didn’t add up.

Just as Five left Jake’s house he spotted Diego and Eudora talking to someone at the far end of the street on the sidewalk. Five walked down to them and recognized the person they were talking to. It was Jake.

Jake turned away from the pair and began to walk away as Five arrived.

“Wait! Jake!” Five yelled. Jake quickly turned around at the call of his name.

“Five what are you doing we just talked to that kid.” Diego told him. Five didn’t answer as he jogged over to Jake, who was carrying a duffle bag, presumably with his football gear. 

“You’re Jamin’s friend right?” Five questioned. Jake nodded his head.

“Yeah… why?” Jake asked with a confused look on his face.

“This might sound weird, but why did you and Dion tell the police that Jamin had to leave early in order to practice for a band concert? The next concert isn’t for two months.” Five asked.

Jake let out an exasperated sigh, “Okay,” he began, leaning in towards Five. “You can’t tell anyone this, but the reason we told the police that Jamin left us to practice was because he was meeting up with someone.” Jake explained.

“Why would Jamin have to lie about that?” Five asked confused. Diego and Eudora stood behind him with their arms crossed, intrigued by Jake’s information.

“Well, because Jamin was meeting up with someone who his mom wouldn’t approve of, someone Jamin was dating. His name is Cooper, but when I texted Cooper asking if Jamin made it to his place, he said that Jamin never showed up.” He told the three of them.

It began to make sense to Five, as to why Jamin would lie about such a thing. By what Five learned from talking to Maria at her house, he noticed that she was Catholic, and by nature, probably not exactly eager to find out that her son was gay. 

“How was Jamin planning on getting to Cooper’s? Did he live far away?” Eudora asked Jake.

“He usually took an Uber or some rideshare service, Cooper went to Midtown High, so it wasn’t that little of a walk to his house.” Jake told them, adjusting the duffle bag resting on his shoulder. 

“Thank you Jake, but next time, please tell us the entire story alright?” Eudora said. Jake nodded and headed down the street towards the school.

“Well that clears up that loose end.” Diego said. 

“Do you think that Jamin ever made it into the Uber before being taken?” Eudora asked. Diego shook his head.

“No idea. I wish that we had his phone, then we could see if he confirmed his ride.” Diego said, thinking out loud. 

“Did you guys have any luck canvassing the area? Did the neighbors see anything?” Five asked them.

“Besides Jake, none of the neighbors saw anything suspicious the day Jamin was kidnapped.” Eudora explained. 

“Wait.” Five said as Patch and Diego turned towards him. “Even though we don’t have Jamin’s phone, we can still see if the Uber driver confirmed picking him up, the company keeps all of those records online.” Five said. 

“This could be our guy’s ruse. He could be posing as a driver, that way there would be no suspicion when picking kids up.” Eudora hypothesized. 

It made sense, he could have posed as a driver, but they needed to access Jamin’s Uber records in order to confirm their theory.

“Can you get a warrant for the Uber records of Jamin’s account?” Diego asked Patch. 

“Yeah it shouldn't be a problem, especially with the heat that this case is getting. Everyone wants these kids home safely, and after Spencer’s death… people will do anything they can.” Eudora said. 

This case wasn’t just impacting the families of the victims, but the entire community. Cases with kids were always difficult, especially when one of them is murdered. Everyone was on edge, itching to get the bastard responsible.

“We should go back to the precinct and get that warrant issued, we need to stop this before another kid is taken.” Diego stated. Everyone nodded in agreement as they began walking back to Eudora’s cruiser.

This time Five slid into the back seat and Diego took shotgun. The ride to the station was a short one, filled by the small talk between Patch and Diego. Five was alone with his thoughts, with multiple probability equations circling through his brain. 

He was calculating the odds of another kid being the perp’s next victim, and that probability was high. Although Five wasn’t exactly sure that this case was connected to The Umbrella Academy, his gut and calculations told him that another kid would be kidnapped, and he had the feeling that this guy wasn’t patient. 

When Five wasn’t sending his brain into overdrive, he was occasionally listening to Diego and Eudora’s conversation. He sometimes caught Diego’s gaze locked on Eudora, looking almost as he was making sure she was a real, breathing person. 

Five remembered that Eudroa died in the first timeline and Diego was extremely upset, it must have been relieving to have her back. Five was very familiar with the feeling of having your loved ones die right in front of you, as it happened on more than one occasion. 

First time he saw the corpses of his siblings was in the apocalypse, right after he time traveled for the first time. That scene of the ash coating the bodies of his brothers and sisters was something that haunted Five recurrently in his nightmares.

The second time was in the sixties, when the Handler opened fire on him and his siblings, bullets piercing through everyone's flesh. Five could still feel the burning pain of his bullet wounds that weren’t actually there anymore, not since he traveled a few seconds back in time to prevent the entire thing. 

The wheels of the cruiser going over a pothole jolted Five back into reality, well that and Diego calling his name several times.

“Five. Hello? Earth to number Five.” Diego said. Five looked up at him.

“Yes?” Five said in an annoyed tone.

“Patch and I are gonna run into the precinct and request the warrant, stay here we’ll be quick.” Diego instructed him.

“Fine.” Five responded as he crossed his arms and leaned back into the leather seat. Diego and Patch hopped out of the cruiser and shut their doors. 

Five felt his ribs settle into an uncomfortable position, as they still ached from falling out of an oak tree only an hour earlier. He tried to find a more comfortable position, but it seemed as if every possible movement only jolted his probably bruised ribs even more. 

He didn’t notice the pain earlier in the car ride, but now that he didn’t have the distraction of his thoughts or Diego’s annoying voice to focus on, all Five could think about was how uncomfortable he was. 

Five had experienced far worse pains working as an assassin for the Commission than the dull ache in his ribs, but the lack of a distraction to take his mind away from the throbbing pain began to be quite annoying.

However, in Five’s favor, Patch and Diego returned to the car in only fifteen minutes, already suggesting they stop somewhere to grab a bite to eat. Five was thankful for the suggestion, as the coffee he had that morning did not satisfy his growling stomach. 

“Did you guys get the warrant?” Five asked.

“We should have the info we need within the next few hours.” Eudora told him before starting the car and heading towards the nearest diner.


	6. "Do you need a kids menu?"

As the car pulled into the Debby’s Downtown Diner parking lot, everyone’s stomach let out a collective growl. They couldn’t unbuckle and get out of the car fast enough.

The three of them sat down in a round booth, Eudora and Diego on one side with Five sitting on the other, arms resting on the table. The diner smelled of greasy grub food and milkshakes, which no one was opposed to.

The diner was eerily familiar to Five’s former experience at Griddy's. He did not want to relive that fiasco again. 

“Hi there! My name is Margaret, what can I get started for you guys?” A nice, short woman said. She was dressed in a blue dress with a white apron wrapped around her waist.

“I’ll have a chocolate milkshake.” Diego said after clearing his throat.

“Alright and for you hon?” The waitress asked Patch.

“Can I just have an iced tea please?” Patch said. Margaret nodded and turned towards Five.

“Anything for you honey? Do you need a kids menu?” She asked innocently.

“I’ll have a coffee. Black. And no, the ‘adult’ menu is fine.” Five retorted with his words dripping in sarcasm so sharp it could cut. The waitress was taken aback by his tone and quickly scurried away after writing down his order. 

Diego had to choke back on a laugh that was bubbling in his throat, but was unable to contain it once Margaret left.

“Do you need a lid and a straw for that drink sweetheart?” Diego mocked at Five. 

"Says the one that ordered a chocolate milkshake." Eudora quipped. 

“Tease me again and I’ll run your cheek against a cheesegrater.” Five told him. Diego held his hands up in surrender as Five crossed his arms and turned away.

Eudora cleared her throat, “Um, so Five, if you’re really the same age as Diego, why do you look twelve?” She asked innocently.

Five sighed and turned back towards the pair. 

“Well, if you must know, I traveled to the future and…” Five explained the entire ‘getting stuck in an apocalypse and traveling back in time but miscalculating the numbers as he projected his body forward to 2019 as a thirteen year old’ ordeal in as few words as possible. By the time he finished, Patch was out of words and completely taken aback by Five’s explanation.

“O-okay, that makes… some sense I guess.” She responded. Diego offered a light shrug.

Five noticed Diego’s arm that was sprawled behind Patch’s back, his right hand gently resting on her shoulder. They must have rekindled their relationship since the last time Five was in 2019. 

Five looked at the menu, trying to decide what to eat. Nothing looked especially appetizing, so he decided to go with a classic burger and fries. After all, it’s pretty hard to mess up french fries. 

It didn’t take long for Margaret to return with their drinks, as she offered a small smile when setting down Five’s mug of coffee. She pulled out her pad and pen again, ready to take their orders.

Diego ordered the bacon burger, Eudora got the club sandwich, and Five ordered the classic burger. Their mouths watered at the mention of their meals.

“I’ll have those out in a jiffy!” Margaret promised them with an enthusiastic smile as she collected their menus and walked away from the booth.

“She is wayyyy too happy for this job.” Diego commented. Five and Patch agreed before Patch’s phone went off.

She quickly pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked the messages. 

“Shit.” She murmured under her breath.

“What is it?” Diego asked. She showed him her phone and he immediately let out a sigh. 

“Well? Care to share with the rest of the group?” Five said with his usual annoyed tone.

“There’s been two more kids reported missing.” Patch told him. That struck Five. Two more kids already? This guy was moving fast, fast and efficient.

“This guy is good.” Diego announced. They all agreed. He was too good.

“Are we sure there isn’t an accomplice? There’s no way this guy could have taken two kids in the same few hour time span?” Eudora offered.

Five pondered this idea, and it did fit the timeline and crime scenes. 

“That would explain it! Something about the crime scene at the park didn’t add up. There were two sets of marks on Spencer’s body… two sets of motives…” Five said then trailing off. He needed to think.

“Five? Hello? Five!” Diego nearly yelled, snapping Five out of his thoughts. His brain synapses were firing at lightning speed, attempting to put together the missing evidence and inconsistencies from the crime scene and the case as a whole. 

“That’s it!” Five said, standing out of the booth. A few others in the diner looked at him in confusion. He quickly sat back down.

“You know how we toyed with the idea that these kidnappings were connected to The Umbrella Academy?” Five asked. Diego and Eudora nodded, giving Five the greenlight to proceed.

“Well, when I was reading the case file for Delores, one of the first victims, something about the report stuck out to me, she too was taken around the same time as Jamin, which supports the hypothesis that there are more than one people behind this.” Five explained. 

“Okay, that explains the two man theory, but what about this being connected to our family?” Diego asked.

“Do you have the pictures of the latest victims?” Five asked Eudora. She held out her phone and showed him the two kids.

The first one, a boy no older than sixteen, was nearly identical to Ben, but that wasn’t the creepy part. It was the second kid, who was a girl the same age, but an exact carbon copy of Vanya at her age. Even the bangs that rested on the little girl’s forehead in her school picture. 

“Diego, look at the picture of the girl, it’s Vanya. This guy isn’t just after The Umbrella Academy, he’s after the Hargreeves, Vanya wasn’t a part of the Academy, not publicly.” Five told them. 

“The pictures of the crime scene, the marks on Spencer, do you have those?” Five asked. Patch nodded and showed those to him as well.

Five turned the phone upside down, and that’s when it clicked.

This no longer targeted The Umbrella Academy, this was personal to Five.

“Five, what does this mean?” Eudora asked.

He cleared his throat tentatively before responding.

“This is about me, these guys are targeting me-” Five had begun to say before bullets ripped through the floor to ceiling glass windows of the diner.

The three of them shot down into the booth, hoping to be protected by its wood paneling. Several rounds were expended from automatic weapons, piercing anything and everything in the way.

People fled from their tables and made it out the door as six men marked with ski masks closed in on their booth.

“Shit.” Five let out under his breath.

“Care to explain who the hell these guys are?” Diego nearly screamed over the gunfire. 

“In a second!” Five yelled back from the opposite side of the booth. He could feel a piece of hardened gum brush his hand while bracing under the diner table. 

“Diego!” Eudora said with stress straining her voice.

“Grab onto me!” Five ordered. Patch and Diego quickly grabbed into Five’s shoulders as blue light quickly emitted from his fists. 

Before anyone could speak, the three of them suddenly appeared in Eudora’s cruiser.

“Step on it!” Eudora yelled from the passenger seat, choking down on her own vomit as Diego quickly turned on the transmission and sped out of the parking lot.


	7. "Five... what did you do this time?"

A quick wave of silence washed over the car, and only the sounds of heavy panting and the light hum of the engine filled the air. 

Eudora was trying her best not to throw up all over her car from Five’s jump, Diego was focused on speeding away from the masked men who previously tried to kill them, and Five was slumped in the backseat, not saying a word, quite unlike his usual persona.

“Five, you wanna tell me what that was all about back there?” Diego asked, eyes glued to the road ahead. When he didn’t get an immediate response he glanced back into the back seat.

“Five?” Eudora said. When she looked behind her she saw his frail figure slouched in the backseat, with his eyes glued shut in pain.

“Diego, pull over.” Eudora ordered. Diego followed her orders and pulled the car over into a small alley, hidden from the main street. 

The two of them both unbuckled and turned towards Five in the back.

He looked like shit to be completely honest. He was passed out and a layer of sweat glistened on his forehead. Eudora crawled to the back seat to get a closer look at Five’’s apparent injuries. 

Upon further examination, the only injuries she found were a few cuts from the broken windows that they all shared, a bloody nose, and a bullet wound graze on his left shoulder.

“Diego, I don’t know why he’s knocked out, it can’t be from the blood loss, he only has a graze.” Patch stated. Diego furrowed his brows in confusion before it clicked for him.

“Shit.” Diego cursed softly. “He must have worn himself out when he jumped us to the car. It’s hard to jump with two other people.” He said. 

That would explain the exhaustion, but Eudora still wanted to tend to the graze bleeding profusely on his shoulder. 

“Diego, grab the first aid kit in the glovebox.” Eudora told him. Diego leaned over into the passenger seat and retrieved the white box and handed it back to her in the back seat. 

Patch lifted up Five’s blazer to reveal the bloody mess that was his left shoulder. She quickly unscrewed the cap to the disinfectant solution and poured some onto the wound.

“Shiittttt!” Five yelled as he attempted to sit up. Eudora pushed him back down to a lying position.

“Woah there, it’s okay Five. I’m just making sure this bullet graze doesn’t get infected before I stitch it up.” Eudora explained to him. Five seemed to gain some reassurance after her explanation and relaxed his body a bit more, staring up at the ceiling of the car.

“You okay there?” Diego asked him, leaning over the middle console of the car.

“Aghh, y-yeah I’m good.” Five responded as Patch kept patting his wound with the disinfectant that stung like a bitch. 

He was a little disoriented, most likely from jumping with two extra people. He brought a hand to his nose and pulled it away, revealing some blood. Great, just great. Another nosebleed is just what he needed. 

Patch handed him a wad of gauze for his nose and he thanked her with a nod.

“Five.” Diego said tentatively, “What was that?” He asked.

Five let out a sigh, “When I saw the marks on Spencer’s body, I thought they looked familiar, but I didn’t piece it together until we were in the diner.”

He paused, pulling the red wad of gauze away from his nose, and instantly put it back at the feeling of more blood flow.

“When I got stuck in the apocalypse, and I started to work for the Commission-” Five cut himself off with a wince as Eudora stitched up his shoulder.

“Sorry, almost halfway done.” Eudora reassured him.

“So when I was working for the Commission, one of my assignments was to kill the head of a drug cartel in 1987, in order to ensure that some specific event was going to occur. But after I killed him, I got back to my hotel room and found the maid covered in the same exact knife markings found on Spencer, almost as a warning.” Five explained.

“What type of warning?” Diego asked.

“War. A warning for war. But after I traveled back to 2019 I didn’t think that would be an issue anymore, afterall, I look completely different. I don’t know how the cartel found me in this timeline.” Five said. Patch had just finished up the stitches and wiped the rest of the blood away from Five’s arms. 

“Thanks.” He muttered to her. She smiled and returned to the passenger seat of the car.

“So what should we do now? If this took place in 1987, how did these guys find you? How important was the head of this cartel?” Eudora asked. 

To be honest, Five had no idea. He knew that he killed a very important person, but that was over 30 years ago. 

“We need to rescue the kids these guys took, they shouldn’t even be a part of this, this has to do with me and me only.” Five told them.

“You’re wrong. If this has to do with you, it’s now a family matter. We need to go back to the academy and tell the others, I don't want these guys targeting our actual family as well.” Diego said as he started the car.

Five agreed, but the last thing he wanted to do was drag his family into the mess he created. The Commission was the gift that just kept on giving. 

He sat up in the back seat, his ribs crying at the sudden motion, but at least his nose had stopped bleeding. 

It only took ten minutes for Diego to drive back to the academy and park the car. The three of them walked into the house and were greeted by the soft sound of Vanya’s violin.

“Vanya! Allison!” Diego shouted. Vanya’s melody halted as she came down the stairs. Her footsteps were quickly followed by Allison’s. Both sisters had a worried expression on their faces.

“Diego what’s wrong?” Allison asked

Diego, Patch, and Five were not in the best shape. Eudora was supporting nearly all of Five’s bodyweight, and he had blood not only staining his chin, but his entire left arm. Diego and Eudroa both shared similar cuts from the broken windows littered on their faces and arms. 

“What the hell is going on?” Klaus asked from upstairs. He was leaving over the balcony and quickly hurried down after the sight of his distraught siblings.

“Where’s Luther and Ben?” Five asked. He was out of breath from walking from the car, and his body wasn’t exactly in tip top shape at that moment. At this point, everything hurt.

“I think they’re just upstairs, what is going on?” Vanya said in her soft, comforting tone.

“We’ll explain once everyone is here.” Diego said. 

Eudora was struggling to sustain Five’s weight, and Five was barely able to hold himself up any longer.

A wave of exhaustion washed over Five as his legs suddenly gave out, sending him and Patch to the ground. 

“Five!” Eudora said with worry in her voice.

Luther and Ben came down the stairs and Luther immediately rushed towards Five. He easily picked up his small frame and laid him down on the couch. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Allison asked.

Now everyone sat in the living room, eyes on Five who was slumped on the couch, Eudora who looked to be completely dissociating, and Diego who was staring at his hands. 

“Are you going to explain what exactly is going on here?” Luther said.

Diego looked and Five, then to Patch before letting out a sigh.

“Okay, so Patch and I were working a kidnapping case and we ran into Five. Five was telling us about how he thought that this case was connected to the Umbrella Academy, because all of the victims looked nearly identical to us when we were younger.” Diego explained. Everyone could hear the exhaustion in his voice, and Patch took the hint to continue the story.

“We were in the process of getting a warrant for Jamin’s Uber records when we stopped to eat at a diner, and then that’s when shit hit the fan.” Eudora said, she almost began again when Five opened his eyes and pitched in.

“Three guys from a drug cartel shot up the place and we escaped before they could get to us.” Five said bitterly, still not happy with the bullet wound in his left shoulder. That mixed with his aching ribs and pounding headache comprised the holy trinity of pain he was experiencing. 

“So that would explain why you three look like shit right now.” Klaus stated. 

“Yeah that about sums it up.” Diego commented. Their siblings looked at the trio with worry, but it wasn’t anything that they haven’t handled before. For Christ's sake they’ve endured TWO world-demolishing apocalypses. 

“So what do these guys want with the Umbrella Academy?” Ben asked innocently. 

“Well, technically, they’re only targeting the academy to get to me…” Five said. This made everyone furrow their brows.

“Five… what did you do this time?” Luther asked with a hint of concern in his voice. Five leaned forward tentatively and rested his elbows on his knees. 

“Well, it all started in 1987…”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for this fandom so I hope you enjoy! :)


End file.
